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The concept of “self-love” has been around for a while, but recently people have been coming around to it again. Our “insecure era” is over and the girlies are getting on the “healing” train! So today, I’m going to talk about my self-love journey and the ways in which I have been building up my self-esteem. Also, I’m going to give y’all some tips on how you can love yourself, flaws and all.
My Self-Love Journey
Self-love is a concept that I am still working on because I used to be bullied for my skin tone for many years of my life. I hated how I looked and that affected how I perceived myself and how people treated me. This affected my friendships because I stayed in friendships that did not serve me. I was treated horribly and I remained in these relationships because that is what I thought I deserved. I also am a very sensitive person so I used to feel bad for being like this. I hated how emotional I was plus people made me feel like I “felt too much” because I feel more emotions than others do. Therefore, I used to view my sensitivity as a weakness.
As I’m going through this journey of self-acceptance, I have realized that my vulnerability is a strength that many do not have. It creates a space for release and a lot of my healing comes from feeling all my emotions fully even if it means doing so by crying. It has taken a lot of work and time, but I have now accepted my sensitivity as a part of who I am.
I know that self-acceptance is very hard for those of us who grew up being bullied and feeling unimportant. But I believe there is a lot of power in accepting the traits that you dislike about yourself because all of those attributes make you who you are.
So, now that I have told y’all about my self-love journey, let’s get into some of my tips!
Focus on The Attributes That You Like About Yourself First
Sometimes, it is hard to accept the things you hate the most about yourself. So start with the attributes you like about yourself. My advice for this step is to write a few traits down that you appreciate about yourself, whether that is physical or something that is related to your personality.
When you write down these traits, this grounds you in your self-worth. And I believe this has helped me to become more confident. This has been beneficial because I became more secure in myself when I focused on the traits I did like instead of the ones I didn’t. For me, I love how great of a listener I am and my generosity. Some of the physical traits that I like are my eyebrows, eyes, and cheekbones. This list helps me when I become insecure because I can refer back to it during my low moments.
Sometimes, you just need that reminder and that is ok. Even if you only like a few traits about yourself, that’s fine because it will grow as you start to learn more about who you are.
Handle Yourself With Care
This second tip is what I like to call #softgirllife. This means handling yourself delicately. Stop being so harsh to yourself, and start speaking more life into yourself. This means changing your language and the way you speak to yourself. Instead of saying something like “You did horrible today” say “Today was not my best day, but I will do better tomorrow.” Those two sentences are completely different. The second sentence has a lot more grace in it and it reminds you that you have another chance.
This technique has been super helpful for me because even though words of affirmation are my primary love language, I speak horribly to myself. It has been super difficult to change the way I speak. But I have learned that the method I use to extend grace to myself has been very helpful.
It may not look like much but trust me you’re doing a lot more than you think when you handle yourself with care. So you need to encourage yourself more because it’s important. Plus you’re more than capable of doing it (insert you’re doing amazing sweetie- Kris Jenner).
Stop Projecting
This one is something that I am still working on, so bear with me. You (and I) need to stop projecting…whew. I find that when I feel insecure and my self-esteem is low, I start to feel intimidated and project my insecurities onto others. I honestly start to become a hater, and I HATE people who hate on people for nothing. I started to hate people who were confident and happy in themselves just because I was not happy in myself.
When I feel myself start to get there, I immediately have to step back and check myself. I ask myself “Why do I feel threatened by them?” and “What can I do right now to help myself?”. Usually, if I am projecting on social media while scrolling, I will log off and go do something else. If it is happening in real life, I will just take myself out of the situation. This is sometimes hard because I do not realize I am doing it, but then I ask myself these questions which allow me to stop projecting.
Never Settle
My last tip is to never settle for anything. When you are insecure and do not accept certain parts of yourself, it is easy to settle for the mediocre things in your life. I am here to tell you to never settle; not in a relationship, job, friendship, etc. “Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated”. You need to go to the places where people genuinely love and accept you even if that takes a long time to find. If you are in a place where you feel like you can not be yourself, please leave. You are too special to only be showing up as half of your amazing self. You have to know that you deserve the great things that life has to offer.
I highly suggest that you spend time with yourself, getting to know what you appreciate and deserve. That means investing in your hobbies, going on solo dates, basically enjoying your own company. You should spend time learning about yourself so that when you’re surrounded by a good community, you are in a good mental space and you’re able to receive that love.
I also recommend that you try to put yourself out there more and find a good group of friends. This is hard, especially for my fellow introverted baddies, but you can start small. If you’re in college/university, you can try to go to some events on campus.
Give yourself a chance to meet new people because you’d be surprised at how many people want to be your friend. Take that first step because it could change your life!
To conclude, self-love is a difficult but very important journey. It requires vulnerability and honesty which is scary and something not many want to do. It requires you to accept all the qualities that you hate and (unfortunately) people have told you that they hate. It is really a journey of acceptance and patience with yourself.
My final tip (I know I said I was done) is to enjoy being you. You are the only person you’re around 24/7, so you should enjoy being you. You have more to offer to the world than you know, and you shouldn’t spend your whole life hating yourself. You are a beautiful and unique being, so the sooner you realize that the better❤️
Thank you all for reading!
Dark Hues 